Sigh

It's been a tumultuous few days. I always feel so dumb coming back to the same realization time and time again (like WHY can't I remember?! -__-), but nevertheless: I need Jesus. As much as I think I can do everything on my own, the truth is I can't. He is my strength and purpose. I pray that these experiences teach me, mold me, shape me to be more like him.

Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.

Refuse to be defeated...

Protected

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Amen.

I take it back

God is so, so, so good, and I have to share.

I actually already wrote an entry for today. It was mid-afternoon and I had just experienced a minor hurt. I thought that it would define my day, but I was wrong. So this is replacing the old post.

FIRST. I've been thinking about summer projects lately. One of them requires a visa.. and learning how to get one has been like opening Pandora's box of evil and confusion. One of the biggest headaches about it all is obtaining an FBI criminal background check. I mean, I know I'm gangsta, but really. I found out that it typically takes about 2-3 months to get the results back. Time which I do not have at this point since I need it back within weeks. So I started to get disappointed, thinking that the opportunity probably won't pan out.

I expressed my woes to my church mentor (not expecting her to be able to do anything about it, but just to share what I was dealing with that week), and she referred me to the head pastor, who went above and beyond for me to try to pull some strings with his connections. SO THANKFUL. After a week of phone calls and emails to various people, I ended up getting a call today from the pastor's assistant, and she approximated that I would get it in 2-3 weeks. SCORE!

SECOND. Financially, this school year has been a little stressful. I took out loans (actually THIS is the main source of stress, but that's another story), and I have a part-time job, but I have to be conscientious about my day-to-day spending. In other words, while I live relatively comfortably, there's just not a lot of wiggle room. Especially lately, for various reasons.

In all of this, I try to be committed to tithing part of the money I make at my job. It's not much, but there's been a few times that I've been so tempted to just not give and keep it to pay for other expenses. I have to remind myself that everything I receive, God has provided, and I need to give thankfully. And when I do, I see more clearly that he blesses me in ways that I don't expect. Today I got a government check from an increase in a military education benefit pay that I used to receive. It was postmarked for October 1, 2010 but because of address mix-ups, I just now received it, which is perfect timing. I didn't need it as much in October as I do now.

And now I'm filled with thanksgiving. The self-pity I was feeling earlier is gone. Crazy how praying and reading scripture can change things 180 degrees in a short time. Praise God.